This week, I'm having author Jonathan Janz as a guest on my blog. You may have heard of him, since he is one of the freshest new voices in horror fiction. He is the author of The Sorrows, House of Skin, The Darkest Lullaby, and now a terrifying serial novel called Savage Species. He is also one of the nicest guys I've ever met. Since I enjoy being out in nature and like to go hiking through the woods, I can relate to Jonathan's wild story about peeing outdoors. Sometimes nature calls. And sometimes nature inspires the twisted imagination of a horror author. Jonathan, I'll let you take it from here:
Guys like to pee outdoors. It’s a biological fact. Maybe women do, too, but
the variations in our equipment might make it more difficult for them. But I’m
not against female public urination. In fact, I’d say I was all for it, except
that would make me sound like a weirdo and a frequenter of twisted fetishist
websites. I’m pretty sure those exist. Even if the strangest site I’ve ever
visited is Brian Moreland’s blog.
But I digress.
My wife thinks it’s disgusting, and maybe it is, but I enjoy peeing
outdoors and take advantage of this God-given recreational activity every
opportunity I get. Sometimes I drink too much water just so I can pee on
someone’s lawn. You know, mark my territory. I get strange looks and the
occasional restraining order, but in the end it’s all worth it.
So one day my three little kids and I are playing at this state park we
always go to. At the time I was already planning to set a novel there because of
its varied terrain and its uncanny isolation. By now it won’t surprise you to
learn that I was eager to do a bunch of outdoor peeing. I got my chance when my
youngest decided she was content to play in a sandbox next to the older kids,
who I think were building some sort of house out of dead ants and cigarette
butts. I was too focused on finding a good place to pee to take much
So I go over to the far edge of this pine grove that surrounds the
playground like a prickly green necklace. There were some rabbits and squirrels
nearby, but no people, and I figured the rabbits and squirrels wouldn’t care.
And if they did, that was their tough luck. I was claiming that three-foot plot
of wildgrass for my own, and there was nothing Bugs or Rocky could do about
As I was enjoying the euphoria that can only occur when I’m urinating
outdoors, I sensed a stare to my left. You know what I mean? There’s no
scientific basis for this, but I’ve always believed I could feel a
human stare. I slowly swiveled my head around to meet the stare, and to my
relief, there was only a tall sunflower waving from side to side like an
admonishing finger. Ignoring the sunflower, I resumed my flow and began to
think. There hadn’t been anyone standing there when I turned, but what if
there had been? And what if the owner of that stare was not a person, not
an uptight sunflower, but a nine-foot-tall carnivorous, sadistic, highly
I think we’ve all had thoughts like that.
Anyway, that moment inspired what turned out to be the biggest and most
violent sequence of action and horror I’d written up to that point in my career.
You can read the whole bloody scene in the free first installment of my new
serial novel Savage Species. At the following link you can
download the first hundred pages (Night Terrors) for free, and
on June 18th, the second installment (The Children) will go on sale for a little
over a dollar.
I hope you check out my serial novel. And I hope, whether you’re a man,
a woman, or anyone else with the ability to micturate, that you take the next
opportunity to feel the summer breeze on your personal bits. I assure you,
there’s nothing quite like it.
Jonathan Jaz is the tall one.
You can find Jonathan Janz's Savage Species books at any one of these links:
I have a lot of great things happening for the second half of 2013.
On July 2nd, my new FREE short story The Girl from the Blood Coven will release. The ebook will be available for multiple e-readers. You can pre-order it now at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and Samhain Horror. This short story is the prelude to The Witching House.
Please tell your friends about the free ebook, tweet about it, and post the cover on your Facebook page, and help The Girl from the Blood Coven become a free-download bestseller.I appreciate your support.
I've been writing some new fiction, and I am putting together a collection of short stories. My goal is to release this in October 2013. I'll give more details about this later, once I've designed the cover and chosen which scary short stories will be included.
Then this December, I'm releasing my next novel The Devil's Woods. I've got more news coming, so stay tuned.